The Wholeness Method
Biblical & Neuroscience-Based Marriage Transformation
Did you know that divorce can now be predicted—with over 90% accuracy—just by measuring one key trait within a marriage?
...and this holds true across all backgrounds: Christians, atheists, and everyone in between.
The researchers who made this discovery call the couples who master this one key trait, “the Masters of Marriage.”
Starting in the 1980s, Dr. John Gottman and his wife Julie spent decades in the famous “Love Lab” studying thousands of couples to help the world uncover the real science behind what makes or breaks a marriage.
They formed the Gottman Institute, and year after year they scanned thousands of couples, keeping a meticulous account of every detail until one unexpected discovery became unmistakably clear.
Divorce wasn't about how often a couple fought—it wasn’t about how little money they had—It wasn't even about infidelity...
What it was, no one could have imagined.
It was a little detail involving the way a couple interacts with each other on a day to day basis
—Specifically, It was the way a couple responds to each other whenever one presents the other with an opportunity to affirm their closeness.
The Gottman's called these invitations "bids for connection"—those small, everyday moments when your spouse reaches out for attention, affection, understanding, or shared joy (like pointing out something funny, sighing after a hard day, or reaching for your hand).
THE GOTTMAN RESEARCH CONSISTENTLY SHOWS TWO TRUTHS:
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- THE MASTERS OF MARRIAGE (couples destined for marital bliss) "TURN TOWARD" these bids with interest and care OVER 85% of the time.
- THE DISASTERS OF MARRIAGE (couples destined for divorce or chronic unhappiness) turn toward them under 34% of the time.*
* The Gottman Institute states that Dr. Gottman has predicted divorce with over 90% accuracy across studies, including 93.6% in his landmark 1992 research (Buehlman, K. T., Gottman, J. M., & Katz, L. F. (1992). How a couple views their past predicts their future: Predicting divorce from an oral history interview. Journal of Family Psychology, 5(3–4), 295–318). Bids for connection data from Gottman Institute publications, including observations where masters turn toward 86% and disasters 33% of the time. Full FAQ: https://www.gottman.com/about/research/faq/
To WIN at MARRIAGE,
You Must Master How You Respond to Your Partner.
At the heart of nearly every major marital struggle—resentment, offense, repeated arguments or just about anything else—lie dozens (sometimes hundreds) of missed bids for connection. We’re not truly upset about the externals; we’re hurt because our quiet reaches for closeness went unseen or unanswered.
When Scripture calls husbands to love their wives, and wives to respect their husbands (Eph. 5:33), this is a primary way to live it out: by noticing and responding to your partner’s everyday bids with thoughtfulness and care.
While just about anyone can grasp the concept of bids, the challenging part is noticing how abundant they are in your own day to day life.
Even after understanding the concept intellectually, most couples can still miss the vast majority of their partner's bids. 💔
The GOOD NEWS is that spotting bids consistently and responding well is a skill that can be trained. 🏋️
That's why our first two lessons of our 12 Measures of a Winning Marriage Course have to do with understanding the concept of connection and recognizing & responding to bids.
Our course trains you to see bids coming from a mile away and know exactly how to respond in ways that make your partner feel truly seen, known, and loved. 💖
When this happens, honesty thrives and intimacy opens wide, because every bid is being met with a response that reaffirms that you are not alone in life—and this is the foundation of a legendary marriage.
Ready to Begin?
Take this short, free assessment to discover how you and your spouse are currently experiencing bids and connection—and get your personalized score instantly.
The only thing required is your email address. No payments needed. You'll get instant results to help you take a little step forward in the betterment of your union.
WANT TO MASTER THE ART OF YOUR MARRIAGE CONNECTION?
Take advantage of our temporary offer and gain access to all 12 Measures, along with over a dozen assessments, quick references, the 12 crucial conversations guide, and much more...
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(normally $12/month - $144/annually)
Start your transformation with the very first lesson
—no risk, free 7-day trail.