UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS COME FROM UNHEALTHY INDIVIDUALS

 

This might be hard for a detached identity to accept, but an unhealthy relationship is most often the result of the two emotionally unhealthy individuals who are involved in the relationship. We can give unhealthy individuals all the relationship tools that are proven to make their relationships succeed, but if those partners continue to lack wholeness in body, soul and/or spirit, the relationship will be severely compromised. The foundation of all healthy and meaningful relationships begins with our own, individual, physical and psychological health. Without our own strong sense of self-enjoyment and inner strength, any relationship we have will be strained by our underlying need for wholeness. Focusing on self might sound contrary to the focus of this course, but it is not, because in the end, the health we cultivate within ourselves sets the tone for the health of every relationship we build. When we neglect our own well-being, we carry unresolved stress, insecurities, and fatigue into every relationship we have, often unknowingly transferring those burdens onto others. Conversely, when we prioritize our health—feeding our body with nourishment, our soul with gratitude and joy, and our spirit with purpose—we naturally radiate stability, kindness, and love to those close to us. 

 

INTERACTIONS ARE EXCHANGES OF EMOTION

 

Just about every interaction you have with another person will generate an exchange of emotions. The underlying emotion that you were feeling before the interaction, along with the emotion the interaction itself triggers, will both be cast onto whomever you are interacting with, and vice versa. If you are stressed and your child comes to you needing help, a measure of your stress will likely be transferred to them during the interaction. In the same way, if you are at peace and your child comes to you with a need, a measure of your peace will likely be transferred to them during your interaction. This is true for spouses, parents, friends, coworkers and everyone else. Your emotions are contagious. There is almost always a give and take of emotions that are transferred in every one of our interactions whether overtly or covertly. Just as some people are  can become strong at giving away

 

The emotional part of us is called different things in different circles. Ancient Greek philosophers used the word ψυχή (psuchē), which English scholars originally translated “soul.” The soul is classically understood to represent a person’s mind, will and emotions. Later, Greek to English translators would replace the word soul and invent a new English word by transliterating the Greek word “psuche.” This is how we got the English word “psyche,” which is the root word in “psychology.” Psychology is the study of the soul. In more modern secular circles the word “psyche” is still often used to describe the inner emotional part of us, but other terms like “inner child,” “emotional mind,” or “shadow child” are also commonly used, to name a few. 

 

HEALTHY SOULS ARE A GIFT TO ALL

 

People who have strong psychological health are a life source to others. They cannot help it. If you watch them in public, it quickly becomes clear that they are overflowing in abundance; they seem to thoroughly be enjoying life, they are totally secure and confident within themselves, and they interact among others with open positivity and a loving curiosity. It feels like a gift whenever you get to share any time with one of these. They make you laugh easily and they effortlessly pull intimate truths right out of you. Just about everyone gets high off their presence so it’s easy to see why everyone would want to be their friend. They clearly do not need anything from you, yet they seem to be overflowing with grace toward you. A detached soul might be jealous of such a person, but the favor they experience is not based on random chance or special gifting from God as much as it is simple psychological health that anyone can access.  

 

In contrast, those who are unhealthy psychologically often carry a heaviness and an edge that make them intimidating to interact with. Their internal insecurities, and accusations surround their presence like a fortress wall, making others feel anxious and agitated in their presence. They might project neediness, defensiveness, or even hostility. Their wounds make them emotionally closed off and intimidating to engage with. A detached ego will likely go into high alert in their presence as it is easy to judge such a person but their presence is really just a projection of their broken connections through life. When you operate out of ego, other ego’s are provoked, but when you operate out of connection, love is provoked. 

 

While you can often guess the psychological health of strangers by the way they carry themselves, nothing is a better indicator of emotional health than the presence and quality of long-term relationships in your life. Relational health almost always reflects your individual psychological health. So, what truly goes into personal psychological health? Self-love is perhaps the most essential. When asked what makes a relationship healthy, many overlook the primary factor: individual psychological health. Personal health is rooted in the love and joy you find within yourself—not your egotistical self, but your true self. 

 

THE MARKINGS OF CHRIST CONSCIOUSNESS 

 

When someone becomes truly Christ-conscious, they become aware of their interconnectedness with others and naturally begin to love them. But Christ consciousness also cultivates an unbiased, overwhelming sense of love for oneself—a deep appreciation and celebration of your own unique qualities. This revelation makes you unashamed to steward your own health and make its maintenance your highest priority. Because healthy love for others can only flow from those who genuinely love and accept themselves. Your ability to love others will always be limited by the degree of your physical, emotional and mental health. Without this foundation, authentic connection and love will remain elusive, and dysfunction will likely persist.

 

"Then Jesus said to His disciples, ‘If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.’" Matthew 16:24 (NASB) When the scripture says we must deny ourselves to follow Christ, it is not talking about our true selves, but about the fear-made self. A true self is one with Christ and it’s interests should not be resisted. It loves the things Christ loves, and enjoys the things Christ enjoys. All the natural joys of body, soul and spirit are not only allowed but demanded of us if we are to be as healthy and free as we can be. Union with Christ does not deny our unique individual desires, it brings them to their greatest significance. "Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart." - Psalm 37:4 (NASB). 

 

FEEDING THE THREE LEVELS OF OUR BEING

 

Exceptional personal health comes from feeding the three levels of our being; the body, the soul and the spirit. While this course helps you step out of your detached identity to reconnect and embrace your larger identity with others in Christ, it must be constantly reminded that connection in Christ does not suppress your true identity, it liberates it. Your greatest identity is not found in yourself alone, but in your connection to God and others. It is detachment that suppresses your true identity, making you a slave to perceptions instead of truth. It’s only when you see yourself in the mirror of Christ that you can even begin to know who you truly are. There is a version of your body, soul and spirit that only Christ can reveal to you. Once you can see your body, soul and spirit through His eyes, it then becomes your stewardship to maintain these three realities. If you don’t take care of yourself in these three areas, it will end up making you sick, burning you out, making you bitter, or killing you entirely. If any of those things happen to you, your family and friends will suffer. When your health suffers, your family's health suffers, period.

 

PHYSICAL HEALTH

 

If you sit in an office chair and work all day, then you skip dinner and just eat a huge desert full of sugar and then stay up late binge watching shows, and then you toss and turn and only get an hour or two of sleep before you have to get up the next day to do it all over again, your ability to connect to your family is going to be severely compromised. Your patience, kindness, tolerance for stress, your temper and your ability to process information and think—all of it will be severely compromised because of your physical health. Your family will undoubtedly feel the brunt of your dysfunctional physical health as you interact with them.

 

There are three primary things that go into being physically healthy; diet, sleep and exercise. Obtaining understanding in these three areas is one of the most important investments you will ever make. Do it. Your diet affects your energy, your looks, your mood and your sleep. Your sleep is vital for your organ health, energy levels, cognitive ability, physical recovery and muscle growth. Consistent exercise keeps you mobile, capable and strong. Studies have shown that if you get poor sleep, one way to negate the negative effects of bad sleep is exercise. Exercise forces breath to go deeper and blood to be circulated faster. These three areas are crucial for your physical health. When you feed your body these three things, your body has energy for life, making decisions to choose meaningful activities far less intimidating. Making the necessary adjustments to your schedule and life to incorporate physical health will offer one of the greatest life-long returns on your effort. No more excuses!

 

SOUL HEALTH

 

In the New Testament, the English word for “soul” is translated from the Greek word, ψυχή, pronounced “psychē.” It is where we get the terms Psyche, Psychology and Psychiatry. These all have to do with the human soul. Classical theory on the soul suggests your soul includes your mind, will and emotions, or your thoughts, wants and feelings. When you feed your soul your soul becomes optimistic, happy and healthy. A happy soul can easily say, “I love my life” with the utmost enthusiasm. A good indicator that you do not have a healthy soul is when it is hard to say “I love my life” with enthusiasm. This might seem obvious, but someone who loves their life has a far higher threshold for conflict and stress than someone who hates their life, thus making the lover of life a far healthier companion to those around them.

 

When you learn to feed your mind, will and emotions, you tend to feel full emotionally. It is hard not to be optimistic, happy and thankful and ready to help others see the bright side of life when your soul is full. When you have a healthy soul, you have the emotional energy your family needs you to have for it to be its best. To feed your mind, invest weekly in things you find interesting or mentally stimulating. To feed your will, invest in healthy experiences that make you feel alive; whether you are competitive, social, spiritual, adventurous or creative, you know you are feeding your will because you come alive when you experience the things your will or desire loves. To feed positive emotions, the first place to start is finding thankfulness. Practicing daily thankfulness and getting into the habit of daily thankfulness is really step number one to having healthy emotions. Beyond thankfulness, there are many ways to strengthen your positive emotions. Comedy, music and time in nature are all things that can take you out of negativity and into positivity in an instant! When you feed your soul, you tend to love and enjoy life. Your spouse will feel it and your kids will feel it. Your positivity will tend to be infectious. You will smile easily and have emotional energy and positivity for those around you. This is a major priority for the best marriages.

 

SPIRITUAL HEALTH

 

Your spirit is what drives you, aims you and guides you. Your spirit is your connection to your divine destiny and purpose. It nags you, convicts you and tells you right from wrong constantly. In the New Testament, the Greek word for "Spirit" is Πνεῦμα (Pneuma). Πνεῦμα is a noun that can be translated "wind", "breath", or "spirit". In the New Testament, it is often used to refer to the Holy “Spirit,” but it is also the same word used to refer to the human “spirit.” What is the difference between wind and air? Wind is the invisible force that moves air. The same is true of the idea of a spirit. Wind is invisible but very real. You cannot see it directly but you can see the evidence of it wherever it goes. This is the same as your spirit. You have a spirit that is the chief motivating factor behind what drives you toward meaningfulness. It is the thing that aims you, the thing that pulls you toward your purpose or your destiny. Our conscience will often feel cursed or vexed when we violate our spirit’s guidance. It is the ‘God conscious” part of you. Your spirit is related to your why, and your where. It points you to your destination. It's your driver, your “highest-good” motivator and it is always compelling you of your need for God. 

 

When you violate the direction of your spirit, you might begin to feel cursed. For instance, if your spirit warns you not to take a job for some shady guy that will pay you lots of money but you do it anyway, you might start feeling like every bad thing that happens to you is because you now have bad luck from taking that shady job. The more you violate your spirit, the less you will believe in your own goodness and the more you will tend to despise yourself for making morally compromised decisions. The result is either you live with guilt and shame, or you try to cut off access to hearing your spirit’s voice so you don’t have to feel the conviction anymore, which results in total moral collapse. This is what Ephesians 4:18-19 is referring to when it says, “...They refuse to listen so they cannot have the life that God gives. They have lost all feeling of shame, and they use their lives for doing evil...” (NCV) But Psalm 34:17 says, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those crushed in spirit." So if you have a broken spirit and desire wholeness, ask God for help and seek out help from others who know Christ. 

 

It is very hard to have healthy relationships without yourself being healthy. Your own health is the number one gift you can give your loved ones. Personal health is the primary magnet of quality relationships, whether new or old. Your own health is the most important thing you can work on if you want to bless your loved ones and make life easier for them.